Surviving Grief - My Journey

Surviving Grief this was one of the very first topics I shared to everyone on our emailing list and I thought I would share it here in the hope it might help someone else.

One step in front of the other & day by day I promise the pain will ease a little. It will never go away but it will ease & one day you will again have more happier days than sad.

Today I am going to talk about my toughest experiences ever in this world so far & that involves grieving for loved ones.

For those of you who have been following me for a while you’ll know I lost my Dad when I was just 13 years old. He was 41 and had a sudden heart attack. He was a FIT & Healthy Dad & we did not expect it at all. This was my first real experience with the horrendous pain of grieving...

I went through a bad time of feeling really angry toward everything too & at school one day a girl picked on me for being small so I pushed her through the classroom window It was a huge turning point in my life where I freaked myself out because I totally lost it over a small thing and it was then i realised I needed to work through what I was going through.

I lost my Grandad (Mums Dad) when I was 18 and that was massively hard too as he was such an important person to me who I loved dearly too. Both of my male role models were gone and I was still so young.

I really feared death after losing Dad & Grandad it honestly felt like life was just going to be painful every day and I was always anxious about who was next.

It took years.. Some days I would cry all day. Some days I would't cry. Some days I was so angry and I would snap and react in horrible ways . Everyday was so different but with time did come easier days and more happier days. Everyone is so different when it comes to grief we all grieve differently and the grief is different depending who you have lost.

We lost Bens Grandad about 5 months ago and that was hard because he was a true gentlemen who I had a lovely connection with I think because he really reminded me of my own Grandad. We watched him go through the worst end of life too it was horrible to watch.

My latest experience of grief was when I lost my amazing Nanny (Mums Mum) Just a few months ago. She was 90 years old but AMAZING for her age and was still driving up until the last few months. She was such a role model to me & an incredibly beautiful, calm and loving lady. She always made me feel so loved and I had such a beautiful & special bond with her. She loved my little dog Riley too.

It hurts more right now for me than losing my Dad because its so raw and new. It probably sounds terrible to say that but my Dad has been gone a long time and i have learnt to deal with that grief. I still would do anything to see him again and I love and miss him dearly but Im at peace now with him being gone (Yes thats a thing I didn't know could happen but YEARS later and I do feel like I am finally at peace with it)

I have never had anything to do with my Dads parents (They are both dead) we shall just say they weren’t what you would call parents and my Dad had a very tough upbringing so for me my two special grandparents have both now gone.

I am also an only child so my family isn’t very big…. Just Mum and I + my Dads legend brother Aaron & a few cousins.

Then there’s my little family. Hubby Ben and our son Grayson and dog Riley (He’s 13 and probably quite likely to be the next one I lose)

Losing loved ones changes you. It makes you truly value time and memories over materialistic things and money. I mean yeah its great to have nice things but when you see lots of people go out of this world in a box you realise all those things just get left behind.

Grief is also the loneliest time you will ever have in your life. I mean the funeral is busy and the days leading up to it but then after that everyone just goes back into their own lives and your left just trying to cope

Grief has now also made me quite anxious at times when it comes to my Mum. If I ring Mum and she doesn’t answer the phone I often think oh god I hope she’s ok. I am genuinely terrified of losing my Mum she’s my rock. I have also had so many worries around My husband Ben getting to the age 41.. Its like I just have this fear around that age since I lost my Dad when he was 41.

Losing someone you love is the hardest thing ever and it NEVER goes away you just learn to carry on without them and you find days of happiness again eventually.

The one thing I know for sure is we are all going to be out of here someday and its about the awesome times that we created on earth. We aren’t promised time and the only time we actually have promised to us is the NOW.

Losing Dad was the hardest thing at aged 13. I cried every day for years and years and years but now I don’t cry as often I have just learnt to continue living without my Dad and I have learnt how to be happy again. Losing Dad was sudden and unexpected and I had never even known loss before I lost my Dad.

Losing my Nanna recently was totally different. We got to talk about death and she was genuinely over being on this planet but it was still heart breaking. I think of her all the time. Every hour of the day at least once. She was a beautiful human being and such an important lady in my life. I am so so grateful for her and that she got to come to my wedding and meet my son Grayson.

I think you just learn to survive because its the only option really but it hurts. I like to put on music and remember my loved ones, I love looking at photos IM OBSESSED with taking photos because photos are memories you get to preserve for later…

The best thing you can do is love your loved ones with your time and heart so one day if you have to say goodbye you will have the best memories ever to remember them by & take lots of photos


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